Sunday, January 29, 2012

When Suzy Met Danny: The Suzy & Danny Saga Begins

Suzy Sunshine was a happy child. She had two parents who loved her, and three wonderful brothers who never mistreated her or caused her a moment's grief.

At school, Suzy had many friends -- the guys admired her, but did not fawn over her; the girls enjoyed her company, but did not envy her. Her teachers loved her, because she always paid attention in class, always put forth her best effort, and always earned good grades. Her intelligence was superior to most, though she never flaunted the fact.

Good fortune followed Suzy into adulthood. After high school, she attended a premier university on a full academic scholarship, and graduated magna cum laude in only three and a half years. Upon graduating, she immediately secured a well-paying job in her chosen field, and began her sure-to-be-brilliant career.

Indeed, Suzy Sunshine had the world on a string, and was often known to sit on rainbows (when unicorns were unavailable).


Danny Danger was from The Wrong Side Of The Tracks, a place where everybody, including the cops and their mothers, had a criminal record; a place where the population dwindled a little more each day, starting when the sun went down. Danny had a mother who barely acknowledged his existence (only when she was aware of her own, which wasn't often) and a long string of stepfathers, only one of which (the 12th stepdad, he thought) was worth getting to know. And that one had died under mysterious circumstances, while bathing with the toaster.

Danny started drinking the year after he took up smoking. He wasn't sure exactly how old he was at the time, but it was probably the year he started kindergarten. The past was a little hazy. Probably from all the drugs he took in middle school. He quit school as soon as he turned sixteen -- he was in seventh grade at the time. There wasn't much point in continuing anyway -- he'd already broken every rule in the book and set the record for most suspensions in a single school year. What else was there left to shoot for?

When school was a thing of the past, Danny moved on to bigger and better things. That is to say, crime. He would try anything once, and often did at least twice. Grand larceny, driving while impaired, cat burglary, vandalism, jaywalking -- you name it, he'd done it, and enjoyed every minute of it. Danny was bad news and he knew it -- if you couldn't tell it by looking in his eyes, you could look about a foot and a half below them and read his shirt, which stated simply, "I'M BAD NEWS!"

Indeed, Danny Danger was trouble of the highest order, and was often known to beat dead horses (when dead unicorns were unavailable).


One fine day in the merry, merry month of May, Suzy Sunshine was walking in the park, enjoying the brilliant sunlight peeking through the trees, feeling the breeze whip her long, lustrous hair in a halo about her head, and humming a happy tune about bunny rabbits.

Danny Danger was cutting through a narrow path in the trees, swiftly and without any unnecessary sounds, so as not to give away his position. He knew that the surprisingly agile, middle-aged woman whose purse and Volvo he had stolen would be gaining on him, and Danny wasn't particularly in the mood to return to prison today. He had only been out a couple of days, and freedom was nice, though a guy still had to make a living and get around town somehow.

As Danny reached the clearing he had been rapidly approaching, he hadn't seen Suzy skipping toward him from the opposite direction. By the time he saw her, it was too late to avoid the collision. They ran headlong into each other, skull cracking uncomfortably against skull, before both collapsing in a conjoined heap of tattooed arms (his), smooth legs (hers), and designer handbags (both), and sinking into mutual unconsciousness.

To Be Continued...

No comments:

Post a Comment