Jokes That Aren't Funny

I've never been a great joke teller. I've always wanted to be. But all I can seem to come up with are halfway-decent puns, which are always sure to elicit more groans than chuckles.

But today I'm feeling jokey, so here goes nothing. I know most of these are just silly and truly not that funny, but I did have fun putting them together. Don't feel obligated to laugh – I won't know either way if you do or don't.

To the best of my knowledge, they're all original (if I've copied someone somewhere or somehow, it was unintentional) – so if they're as awful as I think they are, I've only got myself to blame. Anyway, I hope you enjoy them, or enjoy groaning at them. Whatever...


Q:  What is Ken and Barbie's favorite dish?
A:  Barbie-Q Chic-Ken.


Q:  What did the mafioso say when he introduced his dwarf girlfriend at the party?
A:  "Say hello to my little friend."


Q:  What did the airplane propeller say to the sweaty guy standing in front of it?
A:  "I'm not a fan."


Q:  Why did the Mac user's productivity suddenly plummet when his keyboard went on the fritz?
A:  He lost "Control."


Q:  What did the dust bunny say to the vacuum cleaner upon being discovered hiding under the couch?
A:  You really suck!


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor Who?
No, but I love that show!


Q:  What did the camp counselor say to each kid when they had finished arranging their sleeping bags?
A:  "You made your bed, now lie in it."


Q:  What's the capital of Djibouti?
A:  Djibouti....Why is that funny?
Q:  It's not. I just like saying "Djibouti"!


Q:  What did the cop say to the stupid criminals who had super-glued their hands to their weapons?
A:  "Way to stick to your guns!"


Q:  What did the orthopedic surgeon say to his patients when business was slow?
A:  "Break a leg!"


Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Guess.
Guess who?
I asked you first.


Q:  What did the constantly-falling-off shoe say to the person wearing it?
A:  "I think it's time we tie the knot."


Q:  What did the mime whisper in his lover's ear?
A:  Sweet nothings.


Q:  What did the student say to his abacus?
A:  "I'm counting on you!"


Q:  What did the music minister say to the directionally-challenged pastor?
A:  "You're preaching to the choir!"


Q:  What did the hyena do on payday?
A:  It laughed all the way to the bank.