Friday, May 25, 2012

10 Reasons Why You Don't Read This Blog

1)  You don't have a whole lot of free time these days, and you certainly aren't going to waste it reading such mindless drivel as this. You could just as easily find entertainment as good or better than what you find here on your favorite reality TV program, and you don't have to be glued to a tiny monitor to see that.

2)  You never know when I might write something about God again, and you don't want to hear any of that junk. If you wanted to be preached to – which you don't – then you'd go to church – which you don't. It's all well and good for people to believe whatever they want to believe, just as long as they don't talk about it. And if they choose to do so anyway, you certainly don't want to be forced to have to listen to it.

3)  You've read posts from this blog before, and they just weren't that interesting. Nothing to write home about, that's for sure. No earth-shattering truths or revelations to be found here. No self-help mumbo jumbo, no celebrity gossip. There's hundreds of better, more interesting sites on the Internet that are well worth looking at, so you simply don't bother with this one.

4)  If you've seen one list of (supposedly) funny pictures or things, you've seen a thousand of them! What's so exciting about looking at one more? You figure that I probably copied and pasted the whole thing from somebody else's blog anyway. You know you've seen something exactly like this before somewhere else, so why waste your time on a cheap imitation?

5)  You thought I was a "good Christian" till you saw that one post where I said I liked to listen to "Christian rap" (an oxymoron – there's no such thing!). Then you saw that other post where I actually had the gall to link videos of the "Christian rap" songs and you – not knowing what you were getting yourself into – were duped into clicking on a couple of them. Once you realized you'd "violated" your ears with that "devil's music" masquerading as "Christian music" (and you use the term "music" very lightly), you had to go take a shower to wash off the filth. You see who I really am now – a hypocrite who listens to "devil's music," and you don't want any part of that.

6)  You just want to be entertained. You don't want to read any actual "literature." So when you see the link for the post and its title starts with either "Flash Fiction," "Short Story," or "Poems For Your Perusal," that's all you need to know. You are not interested, thank you very much.

7)  You've read enough of this blog in the past to know that I can't write worth anything. You know good writing when you see it, and this is not it! You would rather spend your time reading the works of much worthier writers, like James Patterson, Nora Roberts, John Grisham, and Nicholas Sparks.

8)  A blog post every day for a year? Get real! There is no way that somebody can come up with something interesting to blog about every single day. It's just impossible! Oh, you might read one every now and then just to see if your suspicions are correct. But you're certain that after this many days in a row (what's it been, like five months now?), I must have run out of things to say by now.

9)  You have no earthly idea who I am. Maybe we're "fringe" Facebook friends because we happen to share an interest in the same bands or authors. Maybe we met one time at some social event and afterwards we "friended" each other. But that was years ago, and now you can't for the life of you remember where you know me from, or if you even know me at all. Either way, why should you take the time to read the blog of a person you hardly know (and maybe don't even know at all)?

10)  If you've read this far, you probably actually read this blog every day, or at least as often as you are able to. Maybe you didn't have the time to read it today (Friday), so you're reading it tomorrow (Saturday), or maybe even next Tuesday. But you are reading it – not because you have to, but because you want to. Maybe it's because you sort of like my writing, at least enough to keep coming back. Maybe it makes you laugh, makes you think, or maybe you just want to get to know me better. Maybe you're really bored, temporarily unemployed, or retired, and you have nothing better to do. Whatever the case may be, thank you for wasting your time here each day, or as often as you can. If you did read this far, you may have noticed that I didn't actually have 10 reasons why people don't read this blog. However, I think I probably hit the nail on the head with the 9 that I was able to come up with. Maybe this post comes off as an angry rant – it certainly wasn't intended that way. Maybe the tongue-in-cheek humor that was intended will come across, and I'll gain a few new readers, or regain a few old ones who temporarily lost their way (ha ha!). If so, great! If not, that's okay too. Thanks again for reading this. Y'all come back now, ya hear?