Friday, October 5, 2012

50 Ridiculously Long Movie Titles

These titles are long enough as they are, so I won't comment much (or at all) on most of these. Just marvel in the weirdness! All of these are actual movies – you've probably even heard of or seen a few of them – and all of them have ridiculously long titles (most are 40 characters or longer). Following each title is the year of its release. I have included a picture of the movie poster whenever possible. Enjoy!

1)  Night Of The Day Of The Dawn Of The Son Of The Bride Of The Return Of The Revenge Of The Terror Of The Attack Of The Evil, Mutant, Hellbound, Flesh-Eating Subhumanoid Zombified Living Dead, Part 3  (2005)  ~ This, like several of these movies, is a parody/spoof of horror and sci-fi films. The filmmakers took the visuals from a late-1950s/early-1960s sci-fi movie and dubbed entirely new dialogue over the original. Clever!

2)  On The Marriage Broker Joke As Cited By Sigmund Freud In Wit And Its Relation To The Unconscious, Or Can the Avant-Garde Artist Be Wholed?  (1977) ~ This picture is not the official movie poster, but it is an actual still shot from the film. I don't think I want to know the explanation behind this image. If I found out, I might just lose my mind.

3)  The Fable Of The Kid Who Shifted His Ideals To Golf And Finally Became A Baseball Fan And Took The Only Known Cure  (1916) ~ The only known cure for what?

4)  Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines, Or How I Flew From London To Paris In 25 Hours, 11 Minutes  (1965)

5)  The Green Goods Man; Or, Josiah and Samanthy's Experience With The Original 'American Confidence Game'  (1905) ~ There's a sucker born every minute...

6)  The Fable Of The Throbbing Genius Of A Tank Town Who Was Encouraged By Her Folks Who Were Prominent  (1916) ~ There has to be a shorter way to get your point across than this.

7)  I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her On A Meat Hook, And Now I Have A Three-Picture Deal At Disney  (1993) ~ This oddly titled film short was directed by Ben Affleck (now an A-list actor) while he was in college. I don't think it garnered him a three-picture deal at Disney, but it certainly didn't hurt his career any.

8)  Caffeteria, Or How Are You Going To Keep Her Down On The Farm After She's Seen Paris Twice?  (1973) ~ How indeed?

9)  Long Strange Trip, Or The Writer, The Naked Girl, And The Guy With A Hole In His Head  (1999) ~ I don't want to know...

10)  The Saga Of The Viking Women And Their Voyage To The Waters Of The Great Sea Serpent  (1957) ~ I doubt if this film is as "fabulous," "spectacular," and "terrifying" as it claims to be.

11)  The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies  (1967) ~ Now, I would actually watch this one. I'm a sucker for cheesy zombie movies!

12)  The Fable Of The Preacher Who Flew His Kite But Not Because He Wished To Do So  (1916) ~ He was probably not the first preacher who was told to "go fly a kite!" The question is: why did he comply?

13)  How The Woman Security Escort Thrice Fought The Hero With The Magnificent Whip  (1949) ~ You go, girl!

14)  The Positively True Adventures Of The Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom  (1993)

15)  Who Is Harry Kellerman And Why Is He Saying Those Terrible Things About Me?  (1971) ~ This one's a definite candidate for most famous actor in a movie with a ridiculously long title.

16)  The Fable Of The Fellow Who Had A Friend Who Knew A Girl Who Had A Friend  (1915) ~ Watch it – that's how rumors get started!

17)  Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood  (1996) ~ This movie spoofed urban dramas and comedies (which had become very popular in the late 1980s and early 1990s) such as South Central, Juice, Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society (among others) – all of which appear, at least in part, in this film's title.

18)  Mysterious Cafe, Or Mr. And Mrs. Spoopendyke Have Troubles With A Waiter  (1901) ~ No need to watch the movie. We already know the plot. And you thought modern-day movie trailers gave too much of the story away!

19)  Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex...But Were Afraid To Ask  (1972) ~ I really don't want to know why Woody Allen is dressed like that (at dead center below).

20)  Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe And Find True Happiness?  (1969) ~ There was a movie poster available for this one, but it was a bit inappropriate so I excluded it.

21)  Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mamma's Hung You In The Closet And I'm Feelin' So Sad  (1967) ~ Ouch!

22)  Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love the Bomb  (1964) ~ I've seen this one. It's probably the best-known and most well-made film with a ridiculously long title. It was actually nominated for four Oscars (but didn't win any of them).

23)  How An Honest Official Passed The Death Sentence On A Chaste Widow  (1958) ~ This sounds depressing...

24)  Sherlock Holmes In The Singular Case Of The Plural Green Mustache  (1965) ~ I think this is a non-canonical Sherlock Holmes story. I don't remember reading this one in Doyle's collections.

25)  Pierrot's Problem, Or How To Make A Fat Wife Out Of Two Lean Ones  (1900) ~ I'm sorry, what???

26)  The Fable Of How Uncle Brewster Was Too Shifty For The Tempter  (1914) ~ I'm pretty sure everyone has a shifty Uncle Brewster in their family. Am I right?

27)  Went To Coney Island On A Mission From God...Be Back By Five  (1998)

28)  A Home On The Range: The Jewish Chicken Ranchers Of Petaluma  (2002) ~ If they were pig farmers, I'd be seriously confused right now.

29)  The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain  (1995)

30)  Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan  (2006) ~ I am so not interested in seeing this pointless movie.

31)  The Fearless Vampire Killers, Or: Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are In My Neck  (1967) ~ I've seen this one. It's wacky.

32)  The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension  (1984) ~ Oh, great! Not another movie with an astronaut/rock star/brain surgeon superhero! How about some originality here?

33)  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze  (1991) ~ Do you know the secret?

34)  How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying  (1967)

35)  You Gotta Walk It Like You Talk It Or You'll Lose That Beat  (1971) ~ That's pretty good advice!

36)  To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar  (1995) ~ Yes, that is Patrick Swayze in the middle. And Wesley Snipes on the left! Oh dear...

37)  The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe  (2005) ~ This is probably one of the most commercially successful movies with a ridiculously long title. And for good reason – it's pretty fantastic.

38)  The Effect Of Gamma Rays On Man-In-The-Moon Marigolds  (1972) ~ I've read the play (it was pretty good), but I've never seen the movie.

39)  The Persecution And Assassination Of Jean-Paul Marat As Performed By The Inmates Of The Asylum At Charenton Under The Direction Of The Marquis De Sade  (1967) ~ No need to watch the movie. We already know the entire plot.

40)  The End Of The World In Our Usual Bed In A Night Full Of Rain  (1978)

41)  A Joke Of Destiny, Lying In Wait Around The Corner Like A Bandit  (1983)

42)  The Lemon Grove Kids Meet The Green Grasshopper And The Vampire Lady From Outer Space  (1965) ~ Well, this looks stupid!

43)   The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford  (2007) ~ Also a great candidate for most famous actor in a ridiculously-long-titled movie.

44)  A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum  (1966) ~ This one was pretty critically acclaimed, as was the Broadway play on which it was based.

45)  Your Vice Is A Locked Room And Only I Have The Key  (1972) ~ Creepy poster...

46)  What Are Those Strange Drops Of Blood Doing On Jennifer's Body?  (1972) ~ This is another one where I could have included the movie poster, but it was a tad inappropriate as well.

47)  Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth  (2000) ~ This movie's title is another amalgamation of several film series which it shamelessly spoofs, including Scream, Friday The 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, and I Know What You Did Last Summer.

48)  Attack Of The Flesh-Devouring Space Worms From Outer Space  (1998) ~ This sounds like it could have easily been made in 1958 and not 1998. Either way, I don't particularly want to watch it.

49)  Galaxy Fraulein Yuna Returns: Dawn Of The Dark Sisters  (1999) ~ I'm actually surprised there aren't more anime titles on this list, as they're known to have some pretty long titles and subtitles (no pun intended).

50)   How A Strange Hero Thrice Teased An Unruly Girl  (1968) ~ Unruly girls, strange heroes – this has the makings of a classic. Not.

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