Friday, December 6, 2013

A Literal Interpretation Of Jay-Z's "Run This Town"


So, here's an idea I just had recently. I decided to take the lyrics to a popular hip-hop song and translate them line-by-line into a more understandable narrative. I have cut all the slang and the curse words, and – while I was at it – all the contractions as well. The result is...well, rather ridiculous. But I also think it's kind of funny. If you're familiar with the song at all, you might be able to pick up on the humor a little bit better. If you're not familiar with it (good for you!), you may want to open this link to the original lyrics and view them side by side for full effect. I am planning to do more of these in the near future, so I really hope you enjoy it. If so, please tell me. If you think it's a dumb idea not worth pursuing further, please tell me that too. I value your opinion. Whomever you are.  ~  JH



"RUN THIS TOWN"
as performed by Jay-Z featuring Rihanna & Kanye West


[Intro:  Rihanna]
It is coming – I can feel it in the air.
All around me people are screaming.
The thrill of it all is quite addictive.
This love affair is rather dangerous.
I cannot fear it when it happens.
If you have a problem, please inform me now.
I am single-minded in my pursuit to know
Who is going to act as interim mayor this evening
Who is going to act as interim mayor this evening
We are going to act as interim mayors...


[Verse 1:  Jay-Z]
We are
Yes, I said it
We are
This is Mythological Bird Country.
Pledge your allegiance.
Don your black t-shirts.
Everything is black.
Our cards and cars are black.
Everything is black.
Our female companions are blackbirds
Passengers with antiquated firearms.
I will elaborate further
If you gentlemen are sufficiently genuine.
This is the Spanish word for "family."
I will explain it to you later.
But for now, let me return to the subject of money.
I have lost some money recently
And I am attempting to gain it back.
I shook Doug's hand, I misplaced Mr. Wilson
For the cost of five orders of pancakes.
Yes, I am referring to the number five
Followed by a comma
Six zeros
Decimal point zero.
Here it is...
Now I am back to running circles
Around African-Americans.
We are now even.
Please wait a moment...


[Chorus:  Rihanna]
Life is an unfair game.
I disregard the rules
And I could not care less.
Therefore I keep doing whatever I want to
Never stooping in a downpour.
I am one mile away from victory.
I am nearly at the finish line.
I must not quit while I am ahead.
I am single-minded in my pursuit to know
Who is going to act as interim mayor this evening.
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
Who is going to act as interim mayor this evening.
Hello-hello-hello-hello...


[Verse 2:  Jay-Z]
We are
Yes, I said it
We are
You may call me Caesar.
I'm an evil Russian monarch.
Please follow the leader.
So, Mr. Barrier, we are
Adept at using microphones.
It is the return of the god.
A peace god, apparently.
Ah! Ah!
No one is more popular than I am.
I am in cahoots with the Freemasons.
Ah!
Belgian fashion designer
We are yelling on this recording.
Disregard the opposition.
They are envious of me.
We have an upholstered bench
Where attractive women are sitting.
At the table are many gentleman callers.
None of them are spending any money.
They should simply fold their cards
Since they do not possess any spades.
All of my associates are wealthy.
Therefore my upholstered bench
Appears to be occupied entirely by millionaires.


[Chorus:  Rihanna]
Life is an unfair game.
I disregard the rules
And I could not care less.
Therefore I keep doing whatever I want to
Never stooping in a downpour.
I am one mile away from victory.
I am nearly at the finish line.
I must not quit while I am ahead.
I am single-minded in my pursuit to know
Who is going to act as interim mayor this evening.
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
Who is going to act as interim mayor this evening.
Hello-hello-hello-hello


[Verse 3:  Kanye West]
It is amazing how you can go from being a regular guy
To having many people willing to cater to your every need.
I am not a homosexual.
I purchased nice automobiles for every member of my family.
None of these cars, however, were manufactured by Volvo.
The next time I attend church
I ask that you please not photograph me.
Everywhere I go I am escorted by police.
Everyone I know possesses a passport.
This is the life that everybody desires.
This life moves rapidly.
We are destined to crash into something.
Why do you think I record rap music –
So that I can afford to drive a Toyota Rav 4?
But I know that if I continue to pretend
As though I am something that I am not
My female companions will only desire one thing.
I could spend my entire life searching for good will
But that would only benefit me when I am already quite happy.
That lady has extremely large buttocks.
When she wears skimpy swimwear, it simply disappears.
However, she is not as equally well-endowed elsewhere.
I excel at rapping because I drink high-quality white wine.
My African-American associate was just released from prison.
When you make a big deal out of something unnecessarily
We really do care.
All I am attempting to do is influence your mood.
Name-brand shoes
Newborn child
You need to step outside your comfort zone a bit more.
Have you ever owned shoes that were missing their shoestrings?
Could you please repeat that, Kanye?
Dear, these are high-heeled shoes.
Is that a spring month?
What?
Dear, this is an automobile.
You are under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs
Whenever you are not drinking alcohol.
Fill up your cup again.
Do you feel as though you are jogging?
Now you know how it feels to be us.


[Outro:  Rihanna]
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
Hello-hello-hello-hello-hello-hello
We are going to be interim mayors this evening...


[Outro:  Jay-Z]
How are you doing?

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Awesome A Cappella Songs

Awhile back, I posted a collection of amazing cover songs I found while surfing around on YouTube. Well, this post is similar to that (and actually includes some of the same artists as the original post),  with the major difference being that all 10 of these songs are performed entirely a cappella – that is, without any accompanying musical instruments. Since most of these songs are also covers, I've included the names of the original artists (in parentheses). Enjoy!  ~  JH



1)  Pentatonix  ~  "Thrift Shop"   (Macklemore & Ryan Lewis)




2)  Acquire A Capella  ~  "Sail"   (AWOLNATION)




3)  Mike Tompkins  ~  "Fireflies"   (Owl City)




4)  Miley Cyrus ft. Jimmy Fallon & The Roots  ~  "We Can't Stop"   (Miley's own song)




5)  Backtrack  ~  "Clarity"   (Zedd ft. Foxes)




6)  Shane Stever  ~  "Your Love Is My Drug"   (Ke$ha)




7)  Michael Flayhart  ~  "Blurred Lines"   (Robin Thicke ft. Pharrell & T.I.) (BTW, this is a highly sanitized version of the song – nothing overtly lyrically or visually offensive here)



8)  Straight No Chaser  ~  "Wonderwall"   (Oasis)




9)  Kurt Schneider & Sam Tsui  ~  "King Of Anything"   (Sara Bareilles)




10)  Justin Bieber ft. Boyz II Men  ~  "Fa La La"   (Bieber's own song, apparently)


Songs With "See" In The Title

Yesterday, I posted a collection of songs with "Wait" in the title. Here you have a collection of songs with "See" in the title. They were supposed to be gathered into one post. But I liked too many songs in the "Wait" category – and, as it turns out, I liked too many songs in the "See" category – to put them all together. So here's part two of two. Enjoy!  ~  JH



1)  Scotty McCreery  ~  "See You Tonight"




2)  Glee Cast  ~  "Come See About Me"




3)  Tonic  ~  "If You Could Only See"




4)  KT Tunstall  ~  "Suddenly I See"  (Due to 8 repetitions of a mild expletive in the chorus of this song, parental discretion is advised – it's still a good song, though)




5)  Marshall Tucker Band  ~  "Can't You See?"




6)  Ed Sheeran  ~  "I See Fire"




7)  Carrie Underwood  ~  "See You Again"




8)  John Fogerty  ~  "Long As I Can See The Light"




9)  Johnny Nash  ~  "I Can See Clearly Now"

Video wouldn't load properly – click link to view:



10)  Texas  ~  "I'll See It Through"




11)  Coldplay  ~  "See You Soon"




12)  Jimi Hendrix  ~  "Can You See Me?"




13)  Krista Siegfrids  ~  "Can You See Me?"




14)  The Dave Clark Five  ~  "Can't You See That She's Mine?"




15)  Brandon Heath  ~  "Wait And See"




BONUS TRACK:  Sara Bareilles  ~  "Brave"  (I really like this song and have been unsuccessfully looking for a way to integrate it into a post for awhile now. Well, the song's chorus repeats the phrase "I wanna SEE you be brave."  That's close enough for me!)


Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Songs With "Wait" In The Title

So, I was going to make this post a collection of "Wait" and "See" songs. But then I found too many "Wait" songs that I wanted to use, and so it became necessary to break this idea up into two separate posts. Not nearly as effective or clever, I know, but then again it wasn't really an "Opposites" post to begin with, so I can kinda make up the "rules" as I go, can't I? Nevertheless, enjoy!  ~  JH



1)  Mumford & Sons  ~  "I Will Wait"




2)  Cookie Monster  ~  "Me Want It (But Me Wait)"




3)  Rebecca St. James  ~  "Wait For Me"




4)  Luther Vandross  ~  "Love Won't Let Me Wait"




5)  The Pussycat Dolls ft. Timbaland  ~  "Wait A Minute"




6)  Us  ~  "I Will Wait For You"




7)  Charlotte Gainsbourg ft. Beck  ~  "Heaven Can Wait"




8)  The Lion King Cast  ~  "I Just Can't Wait To Be King"




9)  Dash Berlin ft. Emma Hewitt  ~  "Waiting"




10)  Tiny Animals  ~  "Wait For Me"




11)  Fireflight  ~  "For Those Who Wait"




12)  SOJA  ~  "I Don't Wanna Wait"  (For some time now, I have unintentionally neglected the uniquely wonderful genre of music that is reggae – time to change that!)




13)  Joe Nichols  ~  "I'll Wait For You"




14)  Paula Cole  ~  "I Don't Want To Wait"




15)  Kenny G ft. Lenny Williams  ~  "Don't Make Me Wait For Love"


Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Songs And Artists With Books Of The Bible In Their Names, Vol. 3

Part three of a three-part miniseries, this final post features songs and artists with books of the Bible in their names. The first post covered Genesis through Song of Solomon, and the second post covered Isaiah through Acts. So we'll pick up this time with the book of Romans and go straight on through to the book of Revelation. As previously noted, it's pretty difficult to track down a song or artist for all 66 books in the Bible. But I've given it my best effort, and these are what I came up with. Again, not all the songs/artists in this collection are specifically Christian groups. In fact, it's likely that there's more of them that are not than are. But I found what I could find, and that's all I can do. Enjoy!  ~  JH



1)  The Young Romans  ~  "Lemon Trees"




2)  The First Corinthians  ~  "Sunset To You, Sunrise To Me"

Video wouldn't load properly – click link to view:



3)  On Corinthians  ~  "Ashglen"




4)  Chris Coleman  ~  "Galatians Chp. 5"




5)  Karen Peck & New River  ~  "Ephesians Chapter One"




6)  Oddie Sloan ft. Ashley Wilks  ~  "Dancing In Philippians"




7)  Andy O'Brien  ~  "Colossians Song"

Video wouldn't load properly – click link to view:



8)  Jack & Laurie Marti  ~  "I Thessalonians 4: 16 - 18"




9)  Thessalonians  ~  "Be Here Now"  (No real video here, and not much of a song either – but there were two "Thessalonians" songs to fill, so here goes something)




10)  Timothy Brindle ft. Shai Linne  ~  "I'm The Problem"  (Also not an actual music video, but a great Christian hip-hop song that needed to be included here)

Video wouldn't load properly – click link to view:



11)  Timothy B. Schmit  ~  "Was It Just The Moonlight?"




12)  Titus Andronicus  ~  "A More Perfect Union"




13)  Bro Philemon  ~  "I'm Thirsty"




14)  The Mountain Goats  ~  "Hebrews 11: 40"




15)  James Morrison ft. Nelly Furtado  ~  "Broken Strings"




16)  Peter Gabriel  ~  "In Your Eyes"




17)  Peter Cetera  ~  "The Glory Of Love"




18)  Elton John  ~  "Your Song"




19)  John Legend  ~  "Ordinary People"





20)  Scatman John  ~  "Scatman (Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop)"




21)  Jude Perl  ~  "Girls & Boys"




22)  Third Day  ~  "Revelation"


Stories # 66 - 69: "Making A List," "Checking It Twice," "He's Gonna Find Out," "Naughty Or Nice"


"MAKING A LIST"


For the past hour or so, I've been making a detailed list of all the things I'd like to do to you for everything you've done to me. One of my favorite ideas involves a curling iron and an inflatable raft. Another good one I thought up requires the services of a witch doctor and $563 in unmarked bills. My least favorite, but likely the most practical of the lot, can be accomplished with a few simple keystrokes and an abundance of malicious intent. I haven't decided yet how to proceed, but when I do you'll know it. And, if I am successful, you will never recover. They say that no good deed goes unpunished, but I am of the opinion that bad deeds inflicted should also be reciprocated. Some call it revenge, others justice. I call it a Tuesday, and a happy one at that. Get ready…



"CHECKING IT TWICE"


"Hurry up, we don't have all day!"  I hate it when people rush me and hate it even more when I am the one rushing someone else, but in this case it can't be helped. There's a deal to be gotten, and I plan on getting it.

"What's the big rush? We're just gonna have to wait in line like everybody else till they open the doors."  He obviously didn't get it.

"You obviously don't get it,"  I say.  "We have to be among the first hundred people in line to even qualify for the extra forty percent off on the swing set."

"Where are we going to put a swing set anyway, hon? We live on the fourth floor of our building. We don't even have a balcony!"

I rolled my eyes at him dramatically. "That's not the point!"  Men! Ugh!

"Okay, I was just checking. Incidentally, what is the point?"

"Duh! That we get a good deal on the swing set."  I sigh loudly for good measure.

"Which we have nowhere to put. Logically."  I know he didn't just say that to me!

"Just shut up and go warm up the car!"  I don't normally talk to my husband so harshly – well, at least not daily – but it's the holiday season, and all bets are off.

He trudges huffily toward the stairs as I lock up behind us. He pauses on the second step, and turns to look up at me.

"Can I just ask you one more question?"  He says this like he needs my permission. I have him trained well.

"Yes, if you'll make it snappy."

"Aren't swing sets for little kids?"

"Duh!"  I can't help the sarcasm. We are falling out of the first one hundred even as we speak.

"Okay, just checking. But, hon, you know we don't have any kids." Thank you, Captain Obvious!

"Well, it's not like we're never gonna. We just haven't gotten around to it yet."  I roll my eyes at him again, because it makes me feel superior. Because, basically, I am.

"But, hon, we're in our sixties. That ship has long since sailed."

"Well…"  It's not often he renders me speechless.

"Well, what?"

"I'll tell you on the way to the toy store. Now, go!"

Without another question, he goes. Everything doesn't have to make sense. But saving money always does. And, dagnabbit, we will!



"HE'S GONNA FIND OUT"


Dear Lucie,
I hope you are well. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written, but I have been far too busy with things that I foolishly considered more important than keeping in touch with my only sister. Are you and Jakob still dating? I remember you telling me when we last spoke that you could see forever in his eyes, and you were just waiting to hear a certain question. Have you heard it? Has he asked it? I hope he has, and you have, and that you said yes, because as you know I only want the best for you. However, I think it's only fair to Jakob that he knows everything about you. Not all your deepest, darkest secrets – not yet at least. But I think you should definitely tell him about – well, you know. I know, for all intents and purposes, you think of yourself as a woman, and Mom and Dad have come to accept it, and of course I have always supported you. But Jakob needs to know before things progress too far that you have only been a woman for four years. It's hard for me to even think of you as Luke anymore, so complete has your transformation become. I know it will be hard for you to tell him, and yes, there is some degree of risk involved. But, Sis, if he is the right person for you, it will be worth taking that risk. He's going to find out one way or the other (don't worry, I would never tell him – it's not my place to), but I don't think you want to wait until after you're already married. Think about it, and let me know what you decide and how it goes. I love you, Sis.
Your #1 bro,
Flynn



"NAUGHTY OR NICE"


I don't think I'll be getting any presents for Christmas this year. I'm afraid, despite my meager efforts at doing so, that I didn't meet Santa's strict requirements for niceness. I cut off a few too many people in traffic, and yelled at a few too many folks for doing the same to me. I didn't get charged for that six-pack of Pepsis or that bucket of cat litter, and I knew it, but I didn't say anything. I spoke unkindly about the President, though I was complimentary of his lovely wife. I didn't work as hard at accomplishing any task I undertook as I should have or could have, and I frankly didn't feel too bad about that. I took out the trash and washed the dishes and did the laundry as often as was necessary, but I frequently had a bad attitude about it. I wished that terrible things would happen to certain annoying pop stars, and I wasn't too unhappy when they did happen. Put simply, I was naughty this year. And I know he was watching. I know he's disappointed in me. I can't say as I disagree with him. If it's true that you reap what you sow, then I deserve to reap nothing at all this year. I probably should write Santa a letter, for old time's sake, and detail all my shortcomings (this was just a sampling), and hope he'll give me another chance next year. I think he will. After all, he's Santa Claus. He basically has to. That's his job. Right?